Your philosophy may find nothing wrong with that, but your criteria are not a universal defining standard.
But for most people there is nothing like the real thing because you can share the experience with another person and also let your partner know your needs and what turns you on.
Holding a plough, a brick, or a traffic warden's baton does not usually damage self respect but holding a sex organ, especially in ones own, can damage self respect enormously.
You seem to be looking for a vestal virgin as a wife.
They are like everyone else, they have families and friends who love them.
Even old ones are very skilled at what pleases a man.